Asexualizing the mind

What happens when life happens?

I have discovered the sexual lull that occurrs within the first two years of one's college graduation. It is a time when the checks start coming in as well as the bills. Us recent grads begin to act responsibly, and we begin to entertain our own independence. If we are not living on our own, more than likely we try to contribute to our parents' household expenses so we don't seem like 100% freeloaders. But saddness often blankets my responsible aire because it seems as if romance has disappeared. There seems to be no money or time to go out on the social scenes anymore because most of us "adults" use the weekends to take care of the bureaucratic elements of our lives. Me, being the hopeless romantic that I am, has begun to build a wall of sinister thoughts regarding relationships and the opposite sex. I'm less afraid of "keeping it real" because I have discovered that romance and relationships do NOT pay the bills.

Once upon a time in high school and college, my good grades were nonetheless second to the thoughts of my crush, and my cute outfits were motivated by who I was destined to walk by before home room. Now, my work performance is all i think about, and the reason i dress up everyday is because I kinda have to.

I see men. And I see them everywhere. Black ones. White ones. Mixed ones. Tall ones. Short ones. Ugly ones. fiiiioooooneee ones. Do any of the latter make me look twice? Used to. But not anymore sadly. I used to feel my libido dancing around on my insides whenever I saw a tall chocolate piece of professional man, but errr now...its kinda like ehhh--what the f*&% ever.

But there are some blessings to be found in dry spells. Self discovery (of many kinds), tying loose ends, and enjoying the small stuff. Asexualizing the mind is rather similar to a butterfly going into a cacoon. We shield ourselves from outside elements so much, that outside elements begin to ignore us. We pay attention to ourselves. We feed off of ourselves. We listen to ourselves, and we rely solely on ourselves. Until one day, when we love ourselves so much we cannot contain it anymore, we emerge as a beautiful butterfly--hoping to not catch an STD.

Take time to find yourself. Take this time to go on dates, see a movie, and to wine and dine YOURSELF. After all, dry spells always make a man who can make it rain that much better.

Sloppy Seconds anyone?

Friends?

How many of us have them?

Friends?

Ones we can depend on?

For real everyone. How many of us can say that we have friends that won't shade us into oblivion? Not many. But I do find myself rather lucky to have a close knit circle of friends who I know would have my back in any situation. Sure, friends fight and argue and piss each other off, but a friend doesn't take your ex boyfriend to the prom. Friends have disagreements and even go through periods of no contact, but a friend wouldn't date your ex-boyfriend a week after you've broken up with him. and yes, friends say many things they don't mean to each other during times of turmoil, but I know for sure that a friend wouldn't call your ex-boyfriend up and tell him that she'd be better for him than you.

I'm talking about a specific incident which I was notified of a few days ago. It actually came from the horses's mouth; an ex boyfriend who was sorry for his actions which included:

1. verball abusing me

2. physically abusing me

and

3. dating my ex-friend after we broke up.

He called with the realization that he made a big mistake leaving such a "phenominal woman" and that no one could live up to the standard I set for him. Blah Blah Blah. I will not center this blog entry around him because as they say boys come and go. But, I will speak on how this itch' decided to take my sloppy seconds for a whopping FOURTH TIME IN A ROW.

9th grade: slept with my boo Jon. Not many people knew about it because she acted like this demure little toothpick-ass-looking angel with a pretty face. Honestly, like i've said many a time, all she really has going for her is a semi-attractive mug. But let her lose a limb, or have her face burnt up in a fire, the chick's personality couldn't save her soul. Jon liked me, but was in love with her because he got the goods.

10th grade: Took my ex-boyfriend to the prom. Now, admittedly she asked for permission, but she might as well have asked if she could make out with him before home room. What am I gonna say? no? If a friend asks you permission to date someone--then they know its inherently wrong.

12th grade: Starting talking to Mike. I'm not sure if she knew I liked Mike but it pissed me off because I liked him first. Later she ended up using Mike as an excuse for us to double date. She even put gas in my car so we could go see MY man. That shoulda been clue number 1.

And now...she dated my ex.

1. Called him and said she wanted to eff him

2. Introduced him as her man in public

3. Had her lil sister co-sign that they'd be a better couple

4. Changed her phone number....just in case i found out.

Ladies and gentlemen. There is a moral to this horrible story. Know who your friends are. Friends will always have your best interest at heart. Yea yea yea the ex is to blame to, but being betrayed by someone you claim to trust hurts. Its a shame that the lame duck from high school who wears the same jacket everyday, can't do shit with her hair or face because she's disgustingly simple with very little intellect who luckily landed a decent job only because of the field she chose, who keeps ghetto friends who are even more triffling than she is and thinks that her "pretty face" will last forever until she wakes up one day in her 60's (in the same jacket) only to find that her current husband used to be her step dad---finds that taking someone's sloppy seconds is the best way to find a man. So, asshole...and I call her that for obvious reasons...if you're reading this, I hope you seriously boost your self esteem and work on your own men. You wonder how they got the term "Tramp"? Because tramps never walk on the road less trodden.